College & Beyond - A "New Normal" in Parenting :o)

I have come to realize that my job of parenting is not over even with all adult children. I know you will agree with me that even as they leave for college, move out, move back, or head off to the military; they are just out there testing the waters, and we are back at home trying to make sense of a ‘new’ normal after all the years of raising and training up children.

I love and appreciate the empty nest at the same time too. Roy and I have a blast! We even eat dinner off of the good china on the new sofa sometimes! Our college kids migrate home during the holidays, one does during summer, one has their own place now, and one lives at home. All adults… all have our own schedules… all wholly sold out to God.  Roy and I have had to change the way we parent them now because all of them are at a different stage of life.  

Change has never been my husband’s strong point. (understatement) And I have a few kids who are much like their father.  I am an adventurer at heart.  This time in their lives can be very vulnerable and filled with challenges that they have yet to face.  Roy and I choose to be focused in on each child separately in order for a smoother transition for them. We also have learned to keep our mouths shut at times. (not easy for me… a breeze for the hubby) We do not want to alienate them or cause division or frustration for everyone.  We never want them to feel alone, with no one out there who has their back. 

I have seen some new adults have so many challenges. They feel like when they moved out, their parents dusted off their hands where they are concerned.  Some of them have tried so many times to make their parents happy… but it just hasn’t worked. The parents turned off their ears and sometimes even their hearts. These parents I would love to have a discussion with one-on-one… and teach them some Italian parental logic. (haha)  These kids feel alone and just don’t know how to get back into the parents lives on the level of an adult… usually because the parents don’t know to do the same or only want to either control the child’s life, or do not want a deeper relationship without the complete control. Let’s hope that cycle breaks when the new adults marry and have a family. 

Let’s go over several areas and see how we are doing, then if you are brave, have your adult children read it and give you a grade.  (ouch..)

Respect
It is disrespectful to talk to your adult kids as if they are still 10 years old. Try to remember that. When you do need to chat with them on a serious topic, do so the way you would want to be approached by a close friend.  No need to walk on egg shells here and no mincing words is needed. At the same time, expect the same from them. 

Don’t Assume Things
They have done a lot of growing and living and have different opinions, feelings, likes and dislikes now. Do not assume that you know every little detail about them. Ask them questions, but don’t do the 20-question grill. At the same time, they need to not try to put us into a box either. We have grown as well.

Mistakes Will Happen
Abolish “I told you so” from your vocabulary. They are going to make mistakes just like we did when we were trying to grow up. It is a process. Let them come to you, with a humble spirit when they mess up (and they will) and respond with the way you wished your parents would have with you.  At the same time, they need to keep things in perspective and not act with entitlement.

It is Their Dream… not yours
Put your super human ears on and listen. Listen for the hints they are dropping. They are not sure if they can trust you with their dreams yet.  Be there and available when they are ready to talk. Note I said ‘they’ are ready to talk. Give your ideas if you are asked. Other than that, pray for guidance for them. They hear from God just like you do.

What’s Your Life Mirroring
Let’s be a little reflective and check out what kind of an example we are emitting to our adult kids. Are we showing them a balanced and healthy example?

These things might seem to be a little rough at first to ponder, but no time like the present to cinch up our attitudes and actions. Just hold this close to your heart… You are very uber important to your adult children. Please never forget that or underestimate that premise. Be flexible; they still need you, but just in a new and different way. 

Step back and enjoy your “new” normal!

Signed.... A Muse of the Remnant

It's that time of year again....

A week ago, I had all 3 kids home for 6 days together! What a wonderful time it was. All the fun, annoying of each other... teaming up against parents... late night IHOP runs (just the kids). I am so blessed that my kids are still best friends at 24, 22, and 21. Not many families can say that. They love to be together, know what buttons to push for a desired effect (haha) and know how to lift each other in prayer, and are willing to do so at the drop of a hat.

Caleb is back at OSU, progressing in his double major of mechanical and aerospace engineering. It is a 6 year program if you take 17-18 credit hours every semester... who can do that??? He is in year 5.  I do not even recognize the titles of his classes... I did not know that there was a Calculus 5... or what really is the difference between Strength of Materials vs Strength and Dynamics? Aren't you glad I am not an engineer?? You can rest with the knowledge that I have not designed bridges or buildings. haha. Tomorrow his dad is going to Stillwater to help him move into his first solo apartment. He is so excited! I think he has had his fill of roommates. He will either love the quiet.. or hate it. Time will tell. I am so proud of him!

We took Aimee back down to Baylor this weekend for her senior year. She is majoring in International Studies and minor in business. Yes, she will be the one traveling the globe around the Pacific Rim. Oh the plans God has for her life... amazing... just amazing.  Her new apartment is g.o.r.g.e.o.u.s!  She has 4 roommates. They all have their own bedroom and bathroom, and common areas of living, dining, kitchen and laundry areas. It is a huge apartment with granite counters, uptown appliances and wonderful colors! I was impressed. She once again has her Hello Kitty bathroom all set up. Her pictures are hung on the walls this year, and she even has room in the kitchen and fridge once we reorganized. She is going to have a blast this year... many 'last' firsts.  Sic 'em my little Baylor Bear! I am so proud of her!

Rachel is living at home. She is now 24 and is working full time at the Apple Tree, works with her church up in B'ville, has become a big sister for a freshman girl at ORU who recently lost her mother to cancer, and takes classes online, does create a memory and helps with a youth group in her spare time. She is our little blurrrrrr....  She is always on the go! She went to Ecuador for 3 weeks this summer for ministry. She is our missionary. We never know where in South America she is going next. It truly is her calling, and she is obedient to the calling. God has such wonderful plans for her this year... I can feel it in my 'knower'.. ya know what I mean? She is such a blessing to me. I am so proud of her!

So.. Rachel is rarely home.. Caleb and Aimee are back at college.. I used to hate this time of year - But God has shown me that this season of my life is wonderful too, just in a different way.  There's this great handsome best friend that I married almost 25 years ago... it is so fun to just pick up and do things on a whim with him... like when we were first married... Looking forward to another wonderful 25+ years with him too!
I am so blessed. I think God likes me best.

A Muse of the Remnant

Rest

Today has been such a restful day at our house. Slept in til 7:30, then off to church at 9am. Then home to make some French Onion Soup ~ from scratch. It takes awhile, but cooks by itself and you only need to tend to it a little bit.  Then some awesome football, napping, more napping... more football and silly tv, now I am once again ready for bed. 


I rarely have days like this, so to me they are precious!  Holiday tomorrow, but I will be deep cleaning the house getting ready for my up coming guest who will be staying for 2 weeks.

Sometimes we just need to regroup and relax, and take an actual Sabbath.  So glad we did today!

Signed... A Muse of the Remnant

Returning....

I took a healing hiatus. I needed a healing hiatus. Not so much physically, but from a broken heart. On Sept 24, my sweet niece Melissa Noel Gallaher entered into heaven. She had just moved up to Ft. Collins, Co to finish up her degree in Zoology. Sept 18th, it was night, she was crossing the street at a corner without a street light, and was struck by a car full of young men who were not paying attention to the road, but to their cell phones, to the girls in the car next to them and to the open half drank 42oz bottle of Steel Reserve (same alcohol content as wine) in their car.

To Melissa I was always Auntie Bye-bye.When she was just so little, I would pick her up and we would go to fun places and have dinner at exotic places, or just watch movies at my house and cuddle on the couch. I rarely babysat her at her house, hence the name bye-bye. haha.

Melissa was hit & killed by Ryan Marsini, who was an actor on One Life to Live. There seems to have been an awful cover-up with everything and the police and others seem to have been dragging their feet. He was issued a ticket for not wearing a seat belt.

Over the past few months, I have been working on forgiveness. It has been a tough road to maneuver for me. What was the breakthrough for me is remembering that Jesus paid for all of my sins... free of charge. Father God has forgiven me of all ~ who am I to hold another in chains of un-forgiveness?  As I said.... this has not been an easy road, feelings jump in at all hours and stages. I am thankful that I do not have to go by my feelings, but rely on the written Word of God instead.

On Oct 8th we had a wonderful Celebration of Life service back here in Tulsa on the day she was buried and put to rest in Tulsa. I had written a tribute to her. I will post it here and then I will move on~ Cherishing her life, Remembering the good times, and Walking in Forgiveness and Praying for all involved.

She is Gone
By Anonymous

You can shed tears that she is gone
     Or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and wish that she'll come back
      Or you can open your eyes and see all that she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
     Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
     Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone
     Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
     Or you can do what she'd want:  smile, open your eyes love and go on.

Melissa,

I loved picking you up for our ‘dates’ when you were just so small. You and I in my sports car… tearing up Tulsa in only the way us 2 cool single ladies 26 and a half years apart could. The nickname you gave me has stuck all these years!

I always loved when you would just stop by my house, out of the blue, in high school for some hot tea and cookies when you were trying to grow up. I loved hearing about your dreams and could listen to you tell me stories for hours on end.

I will miss the long intense chats that we had online. Some fun, some not so much. I loved that you could be transparent with me and allow me to be honest with you, even when we had to agree to disagree.

I so wished we had lived closer in miles these last few years, but as you always said, we were always close because of our hearts (and our crazy hairstyles). You used to tell me to put my hand on the computer screen and so would you…

You made me promise that I would dance at your wedding one day (in the long distant future as you would say), and that somewhere on me I must wear animal print.

So this week I fashioned together a bouquet for you, with the ivory roses that you said you loved and animal print ribbon that tripped your trigger.  

One day soon we will dance together before the Throne of Grace & Mercy, at the greatest Wedding Feast ever.

Love you babygirl…  Bye for now…

Miss you more...

Auntie Bye-bye.

Selah.......  From a Muse of the Remnant

Horn Of Salvation - Keh-ren Yeesh-ee

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. he is my shield and the horn of my salvation.   (Psalm 18:2  NIV)

As the priest would grab onto the horns of the altar when he prayed, We grab onto you, Kehren Yeesh-ee, 
The Horn of Salvation.
You are our help, our Deliverer,
You give us liberty and favor.
Thank You that You have our best interests at heart.
How we love Your name.


Surely the righteous will praise Your name and the upright will live before you. (Psalm 140:13)

I have always loved this prayer....

Signed... A Muse of the Remnant

Shattered Times

With gas prices so high, foreclosures on the rise, and the price of necessities such as food and electricity increasing, many families are struggling to survive. Struggling to keep food on the table, and a roof over their heads.. and some families are at the breaking point, a point where they are waiting for the final notice on their home. A point where they are asking 'how a loving God could let this happen.'

Like Christ's disciples, at one moment everything seemed to be smooth sailing, and then the next they were fearful for their lives, waiting for the mighty waves to crush their boat and bury them in the depths of its rage. (Matthew 8:23-27)

And like Job, lives seemed to be shattered at an instant, without warning or reason. All at once, everything that could go wrong did. Like Job, many have faced disease, and without health insurance the bills have been too much to bear. And like Job, they wonder what God's plan for them is.

Author and writer, Dr. Wilmington may have said it best when he said, "Did you know that Job was never told why he suffered. The reason he suffered was to silence the devil... and the reason you are suffering now is not because of your sins, not because of your failures, but to silence the devil.." To prove to the devil that you love God not for what He has given you, but for whom He is.

Despite all of the suffering Job went through, God protected him telling Satan he could not take Job's life (Job 1:12), just like God protects all of His children (Psalms 3:3). Remember that God has a plan for you, a plan for success and to glorify Him (Jeremiah 29:11). God is a protector of His children, just like He protected the Hebrews from Pharaoh, fed them with manna, and led them to the Promised Land.

Like Christ's disciples, Job, or even the Hebrews who were once Pharaoh's slaves, we may not understand why these hardships come, and why our faith is shaken. We may never know what is going on in the background of the great scheme of life, but we can know that God is in control, and that He has great plans for us. And like those before us, He will reward us for our faith and our sufferings with blessings greater than we expect or can even imagine... for our God is strength to the poor and needy in distress, and a refuge from the storm.

Today, call to Him to calm the waters in your life, and put your faith in Him that no matter what trials you are facing, He will provide for you and bless you as you serve Him.

Signed.... A Muse of the Remnant

Isaiah 25:14  (New International Version)

You have been a refuge for the poor,

a refuge for the needy in his distress,

a shelter form the storm

and a shade from the heat.

For the breath of the ruthless

is like a storm driving against a wall

New School Year - New Beginning

A new school year, a new beginning! How fun to dive into a new adventure both feet first and eyes wide open!  Whether our children are just starting kindergarten, entering high school, or leaving the nest for college, our hearts and hopes go with them. 

I invite you to bless your child with this prayer as he or she goes out to face the world.  It can be a unstable scary world out there and the safety of our children is of the utmost importance. 

We want our children to absorb and learn all that they can so that their education elevates them to new and higher levels of achievement... for His Kingdom.  For those of you who believe in the power of prayer, the following is a wonderful way to stand in the gap for them.

Dear God.....Bless all children everywhere today.  

Instruct them...Give them inquiring minds and discerning hearts.  Strengthen them...Give them courage to persevere in all they undertake. Delight them...Give them the gift of joy and wonder in all things.  Befriend them...Give them laughter and love to share with all.  Guard them...Give them protection and safety as they move out of our embrace.  Love them...And give them sure and certain knowledge of your unfailing love.  Amen.

Signed.... A Muse of the Remnant