Et tu, Brute? and you Brutus?

(Julius Caesar: Notable Quotes)

First let me preface this all by saying… Julius Caesar may have fallen at the hands of Brutus…. But here in my real-life, Brutus fell at the hands of the Divine Physician… Jesus Christ.  Praise the Lamb forevermore.

It has taken me awhile to update due to resting and rejuvenation. My surgery to remove the rather large kidney stone [2”x4”] in my left kidney (so named Brutus) took place on December 12^th. Surgery began at 1:30pm and was to last 3-4 hours. Over 8 hours later, they wheeled me into the recovery room. It seems that each step was more complicated than previously thought.  Roy said that both of my doctors looked pretty tired and haggard when they emerged to talk to the family… the last family in the waiting room by the way. Such troopers, and prayer warriors too!

The doctors explained the tedious procedures to the family and then told them that Brutus was now gone, along with the tube that had been in my back for 7+ weeks!! They did say a new drain tube was in my abdomen, but that would be removed before I left the hospital.  Brutus was so hard in texture that they had to do other maneuvers to release him. I guess my body thought it was in the masonry business when constructing it. They gave me a picture of it, and it is on the mantle for the time being, reminding me of the goodness of God, and His infinite grace and miracle working power.

I remember ‘coming to’ in the recovery room and hearing the nurses calling out times every now and then and I thought that they were all crazy because they were saying it was now 11:30pm. I was finally taken to my room at 12:30am. I do not remember much of the next 12 hours other than my husband was right there with me. He had his own bed and slept there the first night to watch over me.

Recovery in the hospital was not as easy as it was the first time. I was not permitted to get up and walk for the first few days. I did not like that. I was tethered by these feet and ankle pumps that went off every few minutes to keep the blood pumping in my legs. I wanted to get moving and get out of there. Instead I had to learn some patience and listen to the nurses and doctors, and of course, they were correct. My first walk was tough, I will not even joke with that. I only went about 20 steps with a walker and a Physical Therapist holding onto me, and I thought that all of my innards shifted and I wasn’t going to make it back to the bed. I did. Each time I was allowed to walk, I tried to go a little further. By the time I was able to take my first walk with Roy (to show off) I was able to travel a whole half of my hall. By the next day I did a whole loop with him (then slept for 2 hours..haha).  My goal was to get home to my recliner. I love my old recliner. In fact, I am typing from it right now.

I had a couple of not so good days in the hospital this time. I had no appetite and smells made me absolutely nauseated. Other than immediate family, I requested no visitors due to I never knew when my head would be in a bucket. Still to this day, I cannot stand the smell or taste of coffee (I know… really) or most sweets. This has helped in losing almost 20lbs though. Haha. 

I was also having challenges with keeping my oxygen level up to normal so I had to wear that annoying nose thing all the time. Thanks to you prayer warriors, that was overcome in short notice!  I did need the extra oxygen to help clear the 8 hours of gasses that were pumped into me during the surgery. I did not recognize myself the first few days either, well let me clarify, they would not give me a mirror to see myself, but I could tell by looking at my giant legs and arms and distended abdomen that I was not looking too pretty. Hahaha.  It took several days for all that to dissipate.

Surgery was on a Monday and finally by Friday afternoon, I was allowed to come home… to my recliner. Glory!  I slept for the next week, while taking time to walk around the house and try to eat little bits. I also believe having my whole family home (all 3 kids were home for the holiday week) helped me more than anything else. I have been spoiled rotten by all of them!

The doctors promised me my appetite would return at some point, and it has little by little. By Christmas Day, I was able to eat the variety of foods. Still no coffee though!  I hope Starbucks does not go out of business… and my Keurig is missing me desperately at this point.  I need to buy some tea K-cups for that.

So now it is December 28^th… my 53^rd birthday, and I am feeling great. I am still on the mend for the next 3 weeks, but I am getting stronger each day. In a few weeks I will be allowed to begin rebuilding my core muscles. This week I get to up my walking and will attempt some outdoor walks the rest of the week along with one of the girls or Roy. Caleb had to return to Stillwater tonight to work for a few days.

Let me leave you with a wonderful scripture, and thank you again for being a prayer warrior for and with me.

"You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on you, Because he trusts in You'" (Isaiah 26:3). 

Signed....

A Muse of the Remnant

God's Sense of Humor

I am so glad God has an infinite sense of humor when it comes to me... truly.  I can be such a putz of kingdom kid at times. Let me explain....


Today I received a call from my urologist specialist's office. I was told that they got a call from Oklahoma Surgical Hospital and they were bumping my surgery due to a scheduling snafu to.... January 5th.  I broke down in tears... I will confess that.  I was a blubbering idiot. It was a knee-jerk reaction. I am not proud of that fact at all.  Through the tears the nurse said she would work on things and get back with me. I was just so looking forward to not hurting anymore and getting this annoying tube out of my back. I was disappointed, distraught, dismayed, annoyed and forgetting who my real Daddy is. 


After talking to Roy for a bit, I calmed down and then prayed. I should have prayed first.. why is hindsight always 20/20?  I have no problem hitting my knees FIRST when it comes to my husband or children. Why is it when it comes to me, I panic? That is so not my character at all. This is something I will work on and renew my mind to. 


A few hours later, Lynn called back from the doctors office letting me know that my blood tests that were taken at yesterday's pre-op (for the original Nov 29th surgery) showed that I was bottoming out on potassium again... so low that if I were to throw up, I was to go straight to the ER. They called in the meds and I started taking them immediately. Had I not gone in yesterday, I would be a very very ill lady right now. With that extreme low potassium level, they would not be able to do the surgery on the 29th anyway. They require a normal range for 10 days in a row.


God already knew this and was going before me... preparing the way for me. Can't you see him up in Heaven smiling and shaking his head and chatting up Jesus, "That girl of ours... when will she learn?"


So now my surgery has been rescheduled to December 12 at noon at St. John's Medical Center. They too have a great robotics department there as well. I am excited! I will be well on the mend by Christmas too. I am so blessed.


In the meantime, I am already starting to feel better. Now on antibiotics and the potassium... amazing difference. I even had an appetite for dinner tonight. 


The girls are taking care of Thanksgiving dinner (with a little direction) and the prep tonight smells wonderful in here!!!  Caleb is taking direction from the girls with helping with brawn things... moving, unloading, carrying...  and then tomorrow night they begin to decorate for Christmas. They know how much I LOVE Christmas. 


I Love my God and my family. I am the most blessed woman alive. 

Signed... a Muse of the Remnant  (who is still learning...)

Kidney Stones and Other Fun Stuff ~

I thought I would get everyone up-to-date on the recent happenings with me :o)

At the end of September I found out that I had a 2”x4” smooth kidney stone lodged in my left kidney, along with a few smaller ones. Aimee has affectionately named it “Brutus.”  I met up with some new doctors at Urologic Specialists of Oklahoma. They said due to the size of Brutus, it gave them limited choices and would need to perform surgery on October 19^th.  I check into St. Francis that morning and was prepped for surgery that has 2 parts. 

First was to insert a tube into my left kidney thorough my back (I was completely sedated) then about an hour later off to regular surgery to retrieve Brutus and his buddies.  Doctor was able to remove the smaller ones in the lower lobe of the kidney and then began chipping away at Brutus. I guess Brutus did not like this and decided to shoot itself up to where he could no longer be reached unless they repunctured my kidney and when around ribs and possibly thorough a lung.  Doctor decided that was not the best for me so they finished up and sent me to recovery.

A few humorous things… since my bilateral vocal cord paralysis, I snore (quite loudly) involuntarily when I am asleep. This really scared the anesthesiologist, I heard. Roy calmed him down though. During regular surgery time, I had a tube down my throat so I didn’t entertain them there… BUT I guess I did in recovery.  To the extent that I so vaguely remember the head nurse marching some older lady up to me to apologize to me for making comments about my snoring. I thought that was hysterical. During my stay at St. Francis, in the middle of the night, I was told some of the nurses would peek in to see who was snoring so loudly.  So glad I could entertain everyone. Hahaha.

After surgery I spent a little over 4 days at St. Francis, being released the following Monday. Seems my potassium levels were not cooperating. All is fine now with that.  I am at home recovering, still with the tube in my back, but it is capped and Roy takes very good care of it seeing that I cannot reach it or even see it. I am so thankful for him!

I was told that they would have to do a different procedure to retrieve Brutus now. It is a robotic laparoscopic surgery where they will go thru the tummy this time. Oh joy. Hahaha.  We received the date of the next surgery – November 29^th - longer away than I would like, but I trust in God that he has it then for a specific purpose. This time I will be at the Oklahoma Surgical Hospital at 81^st and Lewis. It used to be called the City of Faith years ago.

People ask if I am in pain… Yes, to some extent. I still have Brutus in the left and a smaller cousin in the right kidney that we will have to deal with when I heal up from this.  Plus the tube out of my back is not really all that comfortable, but it is tolerable. I tire very easily too, but my stamina is building up now day by day. I actually cooked a couple of times this week, and went out with Roy to dinner one night.  Tonight we did go to Wal-Mart for about 35 minutes and that really wore me out, and when we got home, I fell sound asleep for a few hours while Roy prepared a wonderful dinner of pork chops and mashed taters and veggies. I am so thankful for him.

As I always say… None of this has taken God by surprise or snuck up on Him. I know that He is fully in control of all of this, orchestrating every move. I also believe that if God can turn water into wine, he can turn a kidney stone to water. :o)   The battle is real, and not for the cowardly. I am proud to be in God's Army, and that He is my Commander and Chief.  Right now my orders are to Rest and Rejuvenate.

Signed... A Muse of the Remnant

Defeating the Enemy ~ The CT Scanner

I did it! I overcame the CT Scan machine.  I freaked at first, really. I was so disappointed with myself when the hyperventilating and dry mouth started, but then the lady really talked me through it, and was patient and kind.  Three full passes through too!  Woo hoo!  Should have the results tomorrow on the kidney stones, but in actuality probably won't hear until next week seeing that doc and family are going to Baylor weekend too. hahaha.  He has to send the scan to the specialist.

Now I am at home eating a Braum's sausage biscuit and having a Starbs.  I earned them today. Hope everyone's day is as victorious as mine so far!

What really helped me the most was reading Rick Renner's Sparkling Gems for this morning that dealt with:

Five Important Steps To Move From Fear to Faith, From Turmoil to Peace, And From Defeat to Victory!

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.   -Philippians 4:6

See, God gives you a good word in due time.  Selah~ 

 

Ok now time to get ready for work...

Signed... A Muse of the Remnant

College & Beyond - A "New Normal" in Parenting :o)

I have come to realize that my job of parenting is not over even with all adult children. I know you will agree with me that even as they leave for college, move out, move back, or head off to the military; they are just out there testing the waters, and we are back at home trying to make sense of a ‘new’ normal after all the years of raising and training up children.

I love and appreciate the empty nest at the same time too. Roy and I have a blast! We even eat dinner off of the good china on the new sofa sometimes! Our college kids migrate home during the holidays, one does during summer, one has their own place now, and one lives at home. All adults… all have our own schedules… all wholly sold out to God.  Roy and I have had to change the way we parent them now because all of them are at a different stage of life.  

Change has never been my husband’s strong point. (understatement) And I have a few kids who are much like their father.  I am an adventurer at heart.  This time in their lives can be very vulnerable and filled with challenges that they have yet to face.  Roy and I choose to be focused in on each child separately in order for a smoother transition for them. We also have learned to keep our mouths shut at times. (not easy for me… a breeze for the hubby) We do not want to alienate them or cause division or frustration for everyone.  We never want them to feel alone, with no one out there who has their back. 

I have seen some new adults have so many challenges. They feel like when they moved out, their parents dusted off their hands where they are concerned.  Some of them have tried so many times to make their parents happy… but it just hasn’t worked. The parents turned off their ears and sometimes even their hearts. These parents I would love to have a discussion with one-on-one… and teach them some Italian parental logic. (haha)  These kids feel alone and just don’t know how to get back into the parents lives on the level of an adult… usually because the parents don’t know to do the same or only want to either control the child’s life, or do not want a deeper relationship without the complete control. Let’s hope that cycle breaks when the new adults marry and have a family. 

Let’s go over several areas and see how we are doing, then if you are brave, have your adult children read it and give you a grade.  (ouch..)

Respect
It is disrespectful to talk to your adult kids as if they are still 10 years old. Try to remember that. When you do need to chat with them on a serious topic, do so the way you would want to be approached by a close friend.  No need to walk on egg shells here and no mincing words is needed. At the same time, expect the same from them. 

Don’t Assume Things
They have done a lot of growing and living and have different opinions, feelings, likes and dislikes now. Do not assume that you know every little detail about them. Ask them questions, but don’t do the 20-question grill. At the same time, they need to not try to put us into a box either. We have grown as well.

Mistakes Will Happen
Abolish “I told you so” from your vocabulary. They are going to make mistakes just like we did when we were trying to grow up. It is a process. Let them come to you, with a humble spirit when they mess up (and they will) and respond with the way you wished your parents would have with you.  At the same time, they need to keep things in perspective and not act with entitlement.

It is Their Dream… not yours
Put your super human ears on and listen. Listen for the hints they are dropping. They are not sure if they can trust you with their dreams yet.  Be there and available when they are ready to talk. Note I said ‘they’ are ready to talk. Give your ideas if you are asked. Other than that, pray for guidance for them. They hear from God just like you do.

What’s Your Life Mirroring
Let’s be a little reflective and check out what kind of an example we are emitting to our adult kids. Are we showing them a balanced and healthy example?

These things might seem to be a little rough at first to ponder, but no time like the present to cinch up our attitudes and actions. Just hold this close to your heart… You are very uber important to your adult children. Please never forget that or underestimate that premise. Be flexible; they still need you, but just in a new and different way. 

Step back and enjoy your “new” normal!

Signed.... A Muse of the Remnant

It's that time of year again....

A week ago, I had all 3 kids home for 6 days together! What a wonderful time it was. All the fun, annoying of each other... teaming up against parents... late night IHOP runs (just the kids). I am so blessed that my kids are still best friends at 24, 22, and 21. Not many families can say that. They love to be together, know what buttons to push for a desired effect (haha) and know how to lift each other in prayer, and are willing to do so at the drop of a hat.

Caleb is back at OSU, progressing in his double major of mechanical and aerospace engineering. It is a 6 year program if you take 17-18 credit hours every semester... who can do that??? He is in year 5.  I do not even recognize the titles of his classes... I did not know that there was a Calculus 5... or what really is the difference between Strength of Materials vs Strength and Dynamics? Aren't you glad I am not an engineer?? You can rest with the knowledge that I have not designed bridges or buildings. haha. Tomorrow his dad is going to Stillwater to help him move into his first solo apartment. He is so excited! I think he has had his fill of roommates. He will either love the quiet.. or hate it. Time will tell. I am so proud of him!

We took Aimee back down to Baylor this weekend for her senior year. She is majoring in International Studies and minor in business. Yes, she will be the one traveling the globe around the Pacific Rim. Oh the plans God has for her life... amazing... just amazing.  Her new apartment is g.o.r.g.e.o.u.s!  She has 4 roommates. They all have their own bedroom and bathroom, and common areas of living, dining, kitchen and laundry areas. It is a huge apartment with granite counters, uptown appliances and wonderful colors! I was impressed. She once again has her Hello Kitty bathroom all set up. Her pictures are hung on the walls this year, and she even has room in the kitchen and fridge once we reorganized. She is going to have a blast this year... many 'last' firsts.  Sic 'em my little Baylor Bear! I am so proud of her!

Rachel is living at home. She is now 24 and is working full time at the Apple Tree, works with her church up in B'ville, has become a big sister for a freshman girl at ORU who recently lost her mother to cancer, and takes classes online, does create a memory and helps with a youth group in her spare time. She is our little blurrrrrr....  She is always on the go! She went to Ecuador for 3 weeks this summer for ministry. She is our missionary. We never know where in South America she is going next. It truly is her calling, and she is obedient to the calling. God has such wonderful plans for her this year... I can feel it in my 'knower'.. ya know what I mean? She is such a blessing to me. I am so proud of her!

So.. Rachel is rarely home.. Caleb and Aimee are back at college.. I used to hate this time of year - But God has shown me that this season of my life is wonderful too, just in a different way.  There's this great handsome best friend that I married almost 25 years ago... it is so fun to just pick up and do things on a whim with him... like when we were first married... Looking forward to another wonderful 25+ years with him too!
I am so blessed. I think God likes me best.

A Muse of the Remnant

Rest

Today has been such a restful day at our house. Slept in til 7:30, then off to church at 9am. Then home to make some French Onion Soup ~ from scratch. It takes awhile, but cooks by itself and you only need to tend to it a little bit.  Then some awesome football, napping, more napping... more football and silly tv, now I am once again ready for bed. 


I rarely have days like this, so to me they are precious!  Holiday tomorrow, but I will be deep cleaning the house getting ready for my up coming guest who will be staying for 2 weeks.

Sometimes we just need to regroup and relax, and take an actual Sabbath.  So glad we did today!

Signed... A Muse of the Remnant

Returning....

I took a healing hiatus. I needed a healing hiatus. Not so much physically, but from a broken heart. On Sept 24, my sweet niece Melissa Noel Gallaher entered into heaven. She had just moved up to Ft. Collins, Co to finish up her degree in Zoology. Sept 18th, it was night, she was crossing the street at a corner without a street light, and was struck by a car full of young men who were not paying attention to the road, but to their cell phones, to the girls in the car next to them and to the open half drank 42oz bottle of Steel Reserve (same alcohol content as wine) in their car.

To Melissa I was always Auntie Bye-bye.When she was just so little, I would pick her up and we would go to fun places and have dinner at exotic places, or just watch movies at my house and cuddle on the couch. I rarely babysat her at her house, hence the name bye-bye. haha.

Melissa was hit & killed by Ryan Marsini, who was an actor on One Life to Live. There seems to have been an awful cover-up with everything and the police and others seem to have been dragging their feet. He was issued a ticket for not wearing a seat belt.

Over the past few months, I have been working on forgiveness. It has been a tough road to maneuver for me. What was the breakthrough for me is remembering that Jesus paid for all of my sins... free of charge. Father God has forgiven me of all ~ who am I to hold another in chains of un-forgiveness?  As I said.... this has not been an easy road, feelings jump in at all hours and stages. I am thankful that I do not have to go by my feelings, but rely on the written Word of God instead.

On Oct 8th we had a wonderful Celebration of Life service back here in Tulsa on the day she was buried and put to rest in Tulsa. I had written a tribute to her. I will post it here and then I will move on~ Cherishing her life, Remembering the good times, and Walking in Forgiveness and Praying for all involved.

She is Gone
By Anonymous

You can shed tears that she is gone
     Or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and wish that she'll come back
      Or you can open your eyes and see all that she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
     Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
     Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone
     Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
     Or you can do what she'd want:  smile, open your eyes love and go on.

Melissa,

I loved picking you up for our ‘dates’ when you were just so small. You and I in my sports car… tearing up Tulsa in only the way us 2 cool single ladies 26 and a half years apart could. The nickname you gave me has stuck all these years!

I always loved when you would just stop by my house, out of the blue, in high school for some hot tea and cookies when you were trying to grow up. I loved hearing about your dreams and could listen to you tell me stories for hours on end.

I will miss the long intense chats that we had online. Some fun, some not so much. I loved that you could be transparent with me and allow me to be honest with you, even when we had to agree to disagree.

I so wished we had lived closer in miles these last few years, but as you always said, we were always close because of our hearts (and our crazy hairstyles). You used to tell me to put my hand on the computer screen and so would you…

You made me promise that I would dance at your wedding one day (in the long distant future as you would say), and that somewhere on me I must wear animal print.

So this week I fashioned together a bouquet for you, with the ivory roses that you said you loved and animal print ribbon that tripped your trigger.  

One day soon we will dance together before the Throne of Grace & Mercy, at the greatest Wedding Feast ever.

Love you babygirl…  Bye for now…

Miss you more...

Auntie Bye-bye.

Selah.......  From a Muse of the Remnant