(Gentleness) Momma Said There'd be Days Like This... But the Fruit of the Spirit is Gentleness

The Tale of the Shut-Up Jar  
 

Be gentle with words. Don't say something you can never take back

because sometimes a scar lasts longer than a single sorry.

~ Rito Ghatourey

Our three adolescents were having a terrible time talking to each other in an appropriate manner. I tried every suggestion that I had read about, and even winged a few. We were seeing no progress. They were pure delights to everyone who was not a part of our immediate family, but towards each other we were bordering on unchurched-heathen behavior.

Himself and I had prayed and prayed and were seeking guidance with this. We wanted them to learn a life lesson and build character. Goodness knows that they were being characters enough! I was at my wits end with this and passed it to Himself to deal with.

Himself came up with the best thing ever! He was always quite creative when it came to discipline. Just ask any of my sweet cherubs about losing rights to excessive power sources. That had to be my favorite one. If they were out of line on certain things, they would lose rights to any power source other than house lights. That meant no hair dryers, no curling irons, no hand-held anything, no microwave, no TV, no computer; no anything that used anything but house lights or the refrigerator and stove. Knowing me, I of course tried to swing it with the ‘what you CAN do’s!’ You can wear your hair in a ponytail, you can cook your food on the stove like we did at that age; you could use your brain to calculate your homework, and you could get more sleep or read a book! Life was really quiet on those days.

So I just knew Himself would again come up with something creative to help instruct our kids on the

proper way to esteem each other. And.. He did!  I first talked to the kids about the word ‘Shut-up.’  I hated that word from the time I was a wee one. To me it always seemed to degrade someone. It was rude. It hurts the person who it is aimed toward. In no way does that word edify or build anyone up. I called it the ‘S’ word. To me it was a cuss word.

That reminds me of when the kids were very young and they and their friends started calling each other the worst words they could come up with.. Big Fat Bubba! They said it with vehemence. They might as well as said something even worse. It was the attitude of heart again.

Himself pulled out a huge, and when I say huge, I mean HUGE glass jar labeled, ‘The Shut-Up Jar.’  Every Time someone said the ‘S’ word, they were required to put money into the jar. Obviously the kids did not like to lose their money that had earned. They did not get an allowance, so their money was very precious to them. We saw a deterrence from saying that after about a month. Himself had told me that it would probably take that long because it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. We expanded the jar to not only the ‘S’ word, but also for complaining for awhile. One day one of our sweet girls had a really bad day. She took a handful of money and dropped it into the jar and let out a string of venom that would make your toes curl. She not only earned the right to put more money in the jar, she also earned the right to scrub some grout for a few days. I explained to her that it was an attitude of heart, and using the jar like that was not going to be acceptable.

This ‘Shut-Up’ jar caught on in our youth group and several families set one up. Now mind you Himself nor I ever mentioned this to anyone, but the kids did!!!  They wanted their friends to be accountable just like they were I suppose.

It is so important to be intentional and responsible for our words. Our words can build up a nation, a person; encourage the faint of heart; find that one lost soul hiding in the darkness. That one word can safely bring the prodigal son or daughter home, heal a relationship, heal a disease. That one word is, Jesus.

Psalm 19:14

Common English Bible (CEB)

Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, Lord my rock and my redeemer.

Prayer

I only want to speak kind words over my family and situations. Please help me to only use positive words to build up my children and spouse. Please cleanse me of the dross of old thinking and speaking. I want all of my words to bring you joy, Lord. I want to see people beam due to the kindness that wells up in heart and out of my mouth towards them. Lord I want it to be real, intense, and intentional.