Count It All Joy When Friends Don’t Understand – and Fade Away … No Really, Rejoice!

 

My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4  (New Revised Standard Version)

 

When we are ill (I like to term it ‘experiencing a healing’), it seems like some friends don’t understand all the “stuff” that we deal with daily. But does that mean you let these friends fade away whenever they don’t quite understand? No. Maybe you need to let them know what exactly is going on with you.

If you live with an invisible illness, you may find the emotions of coping with people’s doubts about your disease may be harder to manage than the disease itself. In order to live our best life, we need to educate ourselves about the disease as well and make well-researched decisions about treatment. How can we expect friends and loved ones understand if we do not?

My challenge happens to be Bilateral Vocal Cord Paralysis. Yes, quite the mouthful. Both of my Recurrent Laryngeal Nerves were severed during an operation in 2006. It left me unable to swallow food or drink without aspirating it into my lungs. I was also unable to speak for one solid year. Can you imagine an Italian not being able to talk???!!!  God has brought me through so much, and to Him I am ever thankful! He taught me how to control the muscles in my throat to be able to swallow again (not that I do that correctly all of the time, sigh), and after many sessions with my speech therapist, I was finally able to speak again with a new voice!  I am still waiting on the singing voice to come back too. You see, God does not heal halfway.

Those with illness, however, have no ability to make others accept the illness or even acknowledge it.  They cannot read our minds. And they may not know what to ask. When our loved ones are skeptical about the existence or the seriousness of our disease, it can be annoying. It can cause problems in our relationships–sometimes indefinitely if we do not let them know.

When friends and family don’t understand what we deal with each day, Whatchagonnado?
Here are four steps:

1. Go with it.
Though the seriousness of your illness is significant under your roof, it isn’t that important to others. And there’s no magical conversation you can have with the person that will make him change his mind. Let them observe you.

With me it is the breathing issue. With my vocal folds paralyzed, it has already narrowed down my ability to take in air. When I do any exertion at all, the folds swell slightly, further narrowing down the ability to take in air. This is called a Stridor; the wheezing Darth Vadar noise that you have heard me make. I am ok… just have to take my time and maybe sit a few minutes and let the swelling abate, then good as new! Exercising with me is a hoot and a half. Just ask my girls!

2. Grow with it.
Use this as a time to reflect on your own perceptions of people. When you are standing in line at the store and become irritated because “Surely no one here knows how hard it is just for me to stand!” think twice. Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it is invisible, so the odds are that someone in line likely is experiencing the same walk in Faith and Healing that you are.

I have heard rude comments; “If she wasn’t overweight, she would be able to walk up stairs and still breathe.”  I just bless those people. They don’t know what they are talking about. It is easier to just forgive ignorance than to get offended, attack or dwell in it.

Also, what situations are your friends experiencing that you don’t understand? A child with a disability, the affair of a spouse, the loss of a job—all are life-altering and the odds are that your friends could use your prayer, empathy and support during this time. Perhaps you and your friends don’t understand what one of you is going through at all. Use this to your advantage–understanding that you need to give her a call and just listen.

3. Get over it.
Don’t obsess over the fact that no one knows what your daily life is like. It is so easy to do! We have those fleeting secret thoughts that ‘if they could live my life for just one day,’ but you need to get control over those thoughts and cast them down like 2 Corinthians 10:5 instructs. Don’t allow your resentment of this fact taint your relationships. And don’t take it personally, despite how personal it feels.

It is not your job to change someone’s mind. You only have control over your own behavior so make sure you can be proud of how you handle the conversations.

4. Get on with it.
Life is short and good friends and family are precious. Cut them all the slack that they need. Call them if you haven’t heard from them. Hunt them down on Facebook when all else fails!

To top off the ‘voice thang’ as my brother puts it, the past 2 years I have dealt with kidney stones galore and have had 6 operations/procedures due to them. (Read past posts if you are interested.) At my last appointment, I was told not to come back for 1 whole year! Praise Jesus! Can I get a witness???

This year, I was also able to give myself pneumonia twice :o)  Special gift I have due to the ‘voice thang’. If I have a sinus infection, I have the ability to aspirate it into my lungs while I sleep and am not controlling my neck muscles, causing bacterial pneumonia. I am just now getting over my second episode. Now you must admit, that takes talent!

Go with it. Grow with it. Get over it. Get on with it.

Is it possible to have relationships with people who don’t understand the seriousness of your illness? Yes. Accept them for what they are able to give, and know when to back off if the relationship becomes toxic. Have reasonable expectations and boundaries. In time, this may end up being one of your closest friendships and they may become one of your most outspoken advocates and cheerleaders.

 
 It has been 2 long years sitting on the sidelines for me. But I feel a change coming in the wind. 

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18  (The Message Version)

 

Selah~

Christine

A Muse of the Remnant

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 --- Happy 2013

Yes, yes, it has been a while since I last posted. Did you miss me? haha!!

Life is amazing! I thought I would just put that out there for you. It doesn't always turn out how we envisioned it, but it is so fun with all the bumps and turns. Just hold on ---- The ride is amazing!!!

I had yet another kidney stone procedure, but I truly believe it to be the last. A few more stones to pass and I am good!! Long, Long long long long process, and those who really knew me a year or so ago, know that I do not do well with long drawn out episodes. This one was not only a physical healing time, but an internal healing of my soul as well. Let me explain.

Have you ever been hurt to your absolute core? The kind of hurt that stabs you and then turns the knife and then laughs at you? I have only really experienced that once before now, and that was when my dear daughter Hannah went to be with Jesus as a baby. This time was different. Someone (my immediate family knows who this is and that is all that needs to know) that I loved and trusted pulled the rug out from under me, causing me to fall hard. I was already trying to do my best to recover from a year of surgeries and trauma and building up my immune system again. This person did not care. It was awful. They knew where my weak spot was at the time, and went in for the kill. That is when I perceived that it was not the person alone, but it was a driving force that they were giving place to. It was straight out of the pit of hell.

I could only hit my knees and pray for this person and the whole situation. Then the Lord told me to forgive them, wholly and completely. I cringed. How could I forgive someone who was so spiteful to me and my family??!!  The Word says I must, so I did. AND IT WAS NOT EASY. I had to do the 'I forgive them, I bless them' so many times for what seemed like forever before I even started to believe it myself!. Then a friend of mine in Russia wrote a new book and he sent it to me. 'You Can Get Over It - How to Confront, Forgive and Move On, ' by Rick Renner. I think this book was written just for me. Talk about freeing!  Here is the excerpt from the back jacket:


"Someone may have wronged you in the past, or you may be in a painful situation right now. But you don't have to let anyone's actions against you pollute your present attitude or prevent God's good plan for your future...  What matters now is that you stop bitterness and unforgivenes before it begins producing deadly fruit in our life. If others really did commit offenses against you, God will deal with them. But right now He wants to help YOU so this pain and trouble doesn't immobilize you any longer..."

Perfect word at the perfect time! Since I have let go of that burden (that I should not have been carrying anyway) my home has been so peaceful in every way. My body is finally healing, and I am even going to start looking for a new company to work for again. I have loved my time home and have found out some very interesting things about myself through the past 16 months. I am a home-body! I know, who would have ever believed that one! But I am. I love cooking, crocheting and putting things in order, but at the same time I am not OCD about it anymore.

As I grow physically stronger, I can feel this phase or season of my life giving way to a new one. I am not certain what that new season holds... but the fun is in the process of discovery!  Yes, our lives are a process..  And in this new season me and the family are getting healthy!

We started a new way of eating lately, but are moderate in it as well. We limit our protein to 4-6 oz per major meal, and then all sorts of veggies. We found that we like mashed cauliflower, that most of us love the flavors of all of the weird beet colors, and roasted turnips are sweet! I have also found a cauliflower named Fiesta... it is so naturally colorful and it tastes great too. I just love Whole Foods!  We are not eating as many processed carbs, as in breads or cereals. Also, we are trying not to eat any processed foods at all.  Now we do take off 1 meal per week and eat whatever we want. But without the sugar cravings, we eat healthier at even that meal too!  My goal is to be able to walk for 45 minutes straight. Right now after last procedure I am back to 5 mins at a time, but I keep doing that 5 mins during the day and I get there eventually. One day I will be able to do it all at one time again. I am also working out with the stretch bands. Love those things.

I am going to close this with two of my favorite songs combined... When thinking about it, it exudes the peacefulness, love of my Lord and gratefulness that I am experiencing as this season comes to a close for me.  I love this rendition from this precious little man.

As The Deer - I Love You Lord Medley
As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after you
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship you

You alone are my strength my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship you

I love you Lord, And I lift my voice
To worship you, Oh my soul rejoice
Take Joy my King, In what you hear
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear

I lift my voice, Oh my soul rejoice
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship you
Only you Lord
I long to worship you
Oh Lord, I long to worship you


Signed: A Muse of the Remnant.
Christine

So Whatchagonnado 'eh?

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."
(James 1:2-4 MSG)

Hello! Seems when life plops some more lemons into your lap, you needed to decide what to do with them.  I mean, you have already made LaDonna's famous Lemon Bars, Lemon pie, Passion tea lemonade, Lemon chicken... you get the picture. 

What am I going to do with more lemons????   I am going to choose Joy and show the love of my Savior even more because I now know it so annoys the enemy!  

I do not like 'processes' at all. I am a bottom line Type A Driver personality. Dish me a problem, I will dish back a quick fix.  Well, sometimes life is a PROCESS, not a QUICK FIX.  Oy.  This past year has been such a learning 'process' for me. I do not like to be still. I like to be movin' movin... I was not able to do that. I have slowly been allowed to up my endurance. And I mean s-l-o-w-l-y. The girls are secretly happy that I am dancing around the house again, even it their encouragement comes out as, "Oh, mom, you are so lame(o) when you do that!"  I choose Joy and dance all the more!

Just a couple of weeks ago, we took the girls to Washington DC to look at grad schools. Caleb had to stay behind due to midterm tests and fun engineering things like that. I was able to walk the Mall where the monuments are! Took me awhile, but I went all the way from the Washington Monument to the Lincoln Memorial and back and then some more. I had to take breaks to rest a little, but we kept going on! My most difficult time is going uphill, so that tuckers me out fast, but then I just take a little time and catch my breath. I also know my limitations, and avoid them. This is hard for people who are not around me a lot to understand. They tend to try to feel bad for me, when I am having the time of my life!!!  One sweet family friend does not 'walk' anywhere.. she marches, and at full speed ahead! By the end of the day she figured me out. I make my own fun and if I can't keep up with you...don't worry about me... I stop to smell the flowers more than most people these days... and guess what... I love the fragrances!!!  

I had been coming to terms with being a stay at home wife after the 5 surgeries this past year. I am well on the mend and was entering back into society, volunteering, having lunch with friends, meeting the girls for coffee dates. I had some very serious job interviews, but nothing was panning out. I was either over qualified and under-educated or under-educated for a level 1 position (who really needs a Masters to input data... seriously now I have over 30 years of hands on knowledge.) 

Then I was blindsided by needing an additional surgery... in just a few weeks!  

Seems a remnant of Buster is blocking the way for some other small stones to exit. GOOD NEWS is that there are no NEW stones!!!!  See... Joyful!!!!   And the left kidney is stone free!!!  Another reason to be JOYFUL! God is so faithful!!

So now on November 30th, I will once again attack the remnant of Buster...  He and I have been talking. He knows his days are limited. I know the process is almost over, then it will be rest and rejuvenation time... then time to RE-FIRE it up again!!  Woooo hooo!!!  

What process is God leading you through today? No giving up allowed. If you need some help, just give me call or text or email ~ I am here for you. Let's skip on over this while singing... click on to enjoy :o)

Joyful, joyful, we adore thee

God of glory, Lord of love;

Hearts unfold like flowers before thee,

opening to the sun above.

Melt the clouds of sin and sadness;

drive the dark of doubt away.

Giver of immortal gladness,

fill us with the light of day!

Signed, 
A Muse of the Remnant.... Christine

I am Free Indeed

Hello Everyone!
I am released to do as I please! Well, within certain limitations. 


I went in for the all day test to see what foods, minerals, medications and stuff could be causing the kidney stones to form. This is a normal procedure that is done 3 times after you have had challenges with stones. And seeing that  my kidneys thought that they were in the masonry business, this was a very needed test.


Results came back:  Inconclusive.  Haaaaaaa  I broke out in pure genuine belly laughter when I was read the report. I knew it was an attack from the pit of Hell, and now this proves it. I mean really, who grows kidney stones that are 3"x4.5" and 1.5"x3" without a reason? The only concrete inconclusive thing they could come up with (that did not show in the test results) was that a few years ago I broke my back and was put on a regimen of high doses of rx Vitamin D and bone builders. 


So what do I do to avoid getting more stones? What foods do I shy away from? NONE!! was the answer. They said that so far I can eat anything I like within means. I was low in citrates, so I need to take Potassium Citrate 3x a day and they do want me to have at least 1-2 homemade lemonades per day and 100oz of water, which I have done for over a year now, so that is no biggie. I make my own homemade either Passion Tea Lemonade or Zinger Berry Tea Lemonades in a big gallon container and sip on that throughout the day along with ingesting a small pond of water. hahaha. (swishing sounds all the time when I walk.. gotta love it!)


I also had uric acid in this test which can form gout in joints, but when they took the blood test to confirm... Nada... None... Ziltch.  God is so faithful. 


They also said that my energy level should start to return to normal over the next month or so. Yay! I keep doing a little more than I should at times, but that is because I feel so good! Then I have to have a 'slow down' day. (Roy gets rather annoyed with me when I overdo it) So, I am going with what my body says... and yes, it does tell me to get on the treadmill and do upper body weights along with telling me to sit down in the recliner for a bit.


Some of my close friends will love this... I can once again drink coffee!  Yes, it no longer repulses me ... well, except black coffee. Rachel was home for that awful fiasco... and she laughed through it all too! So a little creamer in the old coffee and I am good for one cup a day. wooo hoooo!!!  Then I need to drink that 100oz of water!!! (slosh)


I return to the doctor in a month and we will do another all day test.  Can't wait!!


Right now I am enjoying life!  Aimee is all graduated from Baylor and deciding on her next adventure; Rachel is loving working at ORU as the Admin Sect for the ICAA dept; Caleb passed all of his classes in Engineering Professional school at OSU and only has 3 more semesters; Roy is back working at Callidus of Honeywell...  I am still laid-off and searching out another Web Producer or Web Content Specialist position.. and I know that God will provide in His timing.

God is faithful. I was munching on today's Psalm 30 reading blessed my socks off... err... my sandals off....

(1) I will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me.

You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.

O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, 

and you restored my health.

You brought me up from the grave, O Lord.

You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

Signed... A Muse of the Remnant.... Christine

The Stent is Out!

Oh.. WOW. Do I feel better!

Yesterday was my appointment with Dr. G for post-op from my March 27 lithotripsy. For some silly reason I was actually dreading this appointment more than anything. I talked it over with Roy and he basically said that I was operating in fear (not his exact words, because he is so kind when he speaks to me [but I could read 'tween the lines]). But I was operating in fear of the unknown.  I had Googled kidney stent removal and I should not do those things. haha. It looked horrendous. It was not. It was quite uncomfortable, but not excruciating like my mind had played it out. Now I would not want to do that again... just saying.

 First we took xrays to see that that stent was still in place and see how many stones/debris were still there. Looked like in the lower right lobe there was a stone party of debris waiting to exit, but Dr. G said gravity was in effect and just keep drinking all the liquids (4-5qts of water a day) 

Dr. G teased me because it was my first procedure in all these 6 months that I was actually awake for. His nurse knows how to handle his humor and made him behave as best she could. He does have a good sense of humor, which I do understand. The procedure took all of 10 minutes, and I was done. He showed me the stent and it was odd looking at best. My body hated that stent. I am one out of 100 ppl whose body tries to reject it but it had to stay from February 10th thru yesterday. My body is now happy with me, and I can tell the difference already.


When I arrived home, I felt odd and then passed some huge stones. Not even kidding. Took me aback for a few minutes. Today I passed more LARGE stones that were remnants of Buster. I do believe that the stent's job was done and was now blocking the larger broken up stones from passing, which were in turn were blocking all of the tiny stone debris party from leaving as well. The more stones I pass... the better I feel! I know that sounds odd, because it does hurt to pass the stones, but now when they are out, I feel so much better all over. Soon there will be no more stones to pass. Selah. 


So, in conclusion... I am being delivered from the remaining kidney stones! God is faithful!


Isaiah 53:4-5 (NLT)
"Yet it was our weakness/sickness/disease he carried;
It was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought His troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!
BUT He was pierced for our own rebellion, crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
He was whipped so we could be healed."


Thank you Jesus, I am forever grateful. 

Signed... A Muse of the Remnant...  Christine

⁴ 

Adventures in Kidneyville

We arrived at Oklahoma Surgical Hospital at the appointed time of 7:30am for my 9:30am scheduled second surgical lithotripsy for my right kidney. These people here are so nice and again escorted us everywhere after our free valet parking and they will not take tips! 


Roy and Oma accompanied me today, and that was such a blessing. Rachel kept trying... but Roy did not get her texts as to where we were because they block cell phones on the third floor. She waited until he texted her after 10am when I was wheeled back to surgery. She has taken wonderful care of me this evening, making supper and doing a Braums run!


During my pre-surgical whoopla we had some trouble getting an IV in. After the 2nd try, they called in the specialist and she got it immediately. She did not gloat either. I found myself consoling the first girl letting her know that I am a hard stick. I reminded her that I had her the last time and she did just fine. She was just so precious.


As I was laying in the hospital bed, being worked on for the prep, I could hear crying babies and little kids. This gave me time to pray for them. Can you imagine how scared those little ones were? Broke my heart. All this poking and probing and hurting! And prayed for calmness and peace for the parents who looked like deer staring at the headlights. 


Dr. G came by to give me a pep talk and to let me know he was ready to get this thing going, but we had to wait on the lithotripsy machine. We high-fived and he was on his way out. The person using it first was still in surgery. I pray that their procedure went well and they are recovering as well as I am. So around 10am Dana my head surgical nurse came in and wheeled me into the operation room that I swear was -10 degrees... it was cold!!! And I love cold... but when I have more on me than a thin hospital gown and some non-slid sockies.  Brrrrr.


My anesthesiologist was a hoot. She was already well versed on my bilateral vocal cord challenges and had everything under control (and personally I think she couldn't wait to hear the depth and resonance of my snoring abilities..hahaha) They talked me to about what all they were going to do and I saw the xrays. Whew... that one piece of Buster (affectionately named kidney stone) was big and was completely blocking the exit of the kidney and had a bunch of gravel behind it. No wonder I was still hurting so much! 


Then came the IV drugs... and then the gas mask... and then ZZZzzzzzzz


I woke up in recovery and I guess was yet again entertaining them beyond belief with the snoring. I wanted to shout.. NO THERE IS NOT A PROPELLER SHOVED UP MY NOSE!!!!.... hahaha.  Anyway I did find out that my oxygen level does drop considerably when I fall asleep. It is not apnea, but they would like me to have a sleep test this year sometime to see if a CPAP machine would help with that or not.  Now, the way I found this out was interesting.  Seems that I forgot to do ONE thing... take off my nail polish... so they put an oxygen sensor strip on my forehead... and I swear they super glued it there. I came to this conclusion when they removed it. I did more than whimper and still have a red mark there. hahaha.  (note to self... always remove nail polish before surgery) 


Finally a few hours later they sent me to post op and then sent me on my way.


A few things we noticed different this time:

• I noticed that I was super whoozey for a long time (hours) afterward. I guess they gave me more IV drugs this time. 
• I have been RAVENOUS hungry since then as well. HUGE difference from last time when I couldn't eat anything at all!  That means that they gave me Prednisone and that my Potassium levels are good!!

I am home and in my sweet recliner, resting and rejuvenating. Life is good. God is Faithful.

Signed... A Muse of the Remnant..... Christine

Lithotripsy Round Two Scheduled

Hello!

Had my appt with Doc G last Tuesday and he said we will do another lithotripsy on March 27th. He showed me on the xrays that part of Buster (affectionately named right kidney stone) did not break up as much as they thought and it was now blocking the remainder of the stone 'debris' from leaving... hence why my back is still hurting. We will be at the Oklahoma Surgical Hospital again. I really like that place. I have decided that I need to write up a booklet on comparing the different hospitals around Tulsa seeing that I have now been at 3 of the major ones in the last 5 months. 


Wednesday night I started feeling not-so-good. Thursday I got up to a 102 temp and it lasted all day and night and then Friday (today) I got up and it was still there, so I called Lynne at Doc G's office. I was really hoping that it was just the crud that everyone around here seems to have. It is not. The tests from Tuesday had just gotten back to her office.


That internal infection that I had taken those nasty Rocephin shots 2 weeks ago for has not gone away. I will have 5 more days of shots again, today was my first and will have a standing date next week. This infection has to go in Jesus' name. It has no right to invade my body and take up residence. It has to leave now. 


They will check me again next Thursday to make sure that it has left my body before the next surgical procedure, and let me declare ... the last surgical procedure with these kidney stones. Enough is enough. I am ready to walk in complete health and wholeness according to the word of God. 


What have I learned through all of this? I am an ongoing project of God and that he has an infinite sense of humor with me. He reveals new things to me all the time to work on, and He knows my boundaries better than I do.

• Patience... Things will be completed in His season, not mine. There are reasons why I have to wait on Him and his timing is always correct.
• Trusting... If you know me well, you know I do not trust easily. Probably why I have only a handful of close friends, but many aquaintances. I am learning to trust people, and to trust God more. When I get down on myself I hear that still small voice say, "I have your back kiddo.. no fretting allowed."
• Not being so serious and letting my humorous side come through more... I can even tell by my writing in this blog that my more 'colorful' side come through more. My immediate family knows that I can be a cut-up and comedian, but I rarely share that. I guess that goes back to 'trusting' 'eh? 
• Committing to my word (when I say I will pray about something, I pray about it right then.) I notice that so many people on Facebook say they will pray, but know that if I type that I will pray for you or your loved one - I am praying. (please give an update too... that helps to know if we should continue)

Learning so many other things too that I am not ready to share with you, but just ponder inside my heart for the time being. 

Love and hugs.... A Muse of the Remnant

Christine